I also know ... it will happen again for sure.

And ... i accept it.

Almost as ... normality.

I don't like it.

I ... even hate it ... but i simple totally lose control on myself.

But .. i am happy ... i can admit it.

I am like someone saying ... "Yes ... i have a problem with alcohol" ... "Yes ... i have a problem with drugs" ... "Yes ... i have a problem with gambling".

I could say ... "Yes ... i have a problem. A huge one. Randomly ... i simple lose my minds."

I am happy ... i've made this progress of ... admitting all is really happening for me.

Without ... being afraid.

... or ashamed.

And ... i look at the people around myself ... smiling ... while observing that the same is happening to them too.

... all of them.

I somehow start to understand ... the dynamic of relationships.

... of any type of relationship.

Things ... always change ... cause we have those moments of insanity.

The same nice person ... with who we had such a nice meeting last week ... today can be on totally different vibes.

... and ... of course... that ruins all.

Always.

And all it happens ... randomly ... but never really understanding why.

Today ... i would dare to say ... that we must accept ... the loss of control on our minds.

It is an ugly fact that ... it happens.

But ... it simply happens.

It is a disability of the human being.

It happened like that 2-3000 years ago .... and still .... we couldn't see this handicap.

And .... you know why?!

Cause we could not accept it ... as a real fact.

We also ... were not aware of the importance of the connection with the inner self.

I also somehow re evaluate ... and I believe it is not about control of the self ... but about always staying connected to the self.

Unfortunately ... we don't do it.

Cause ... we are not even aware of the importance of doing it.

I look into those moments of insanity at myself ... and i see the ... disconnection ... but unfortunately i haven't done the right disconnection.

I had to remain connected to my inner self ... and cut

the connection with all those energies which ruin my life ... in the moments when i totally lose my mind.

Disconnection .... had to be done with all those ugly vibes.

But .... being an idiot ... not really understanding energies ... life continues into a stupid way.

In fact ... many, many times ... living under the total domination of ugly energies ... which i don't even know why appeared into my life.

The positive thing ... is that i accept my handicap.

I accept it .... and try to heal myself ... of it.

But ... it is difficult.

... very difficult.

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